“I Hate You Mom”

The first week after the diagnosis was busy, confusing and overwhelming. On many occasions I found myself listening to a doctor or a nurse about Cara or something that I needed to do for Cara and the minute they would walk away I had no idea what they had just said. Thank God most of the time my husband was there with me. I would turn to him after the doctor or nurse left and we would go over everything that they had said. It was the only way that I could retain all the information that I was being given in such a small amount of time. I found myself constantly reading all the books and leaflets that they had given me about type 1 diabetes and jotting down notes when I learned any new information. My husband and I both were going through classes in the hospital, teaching us everything we needed to know before we went home. The hospital staff, doctors, nurses and dietitians were all amazing. They all were so nice and patient with us and Cara. The first night in the hospital, Cara was woken up almost every hour for a blood draw and the second night about every three hours. She was getting no sleep, she was scared and she was mad!! The only time that I cried in the hospital was when Cara told me she hated me. I think it was the 3rd night in the hospital and my husband was sitting with her on the bed and I was reading a diabetes information book on a chair in the corner of the room. It was getting late and my husband was getting ready to go home to our other 5 children that our parents where taking turns watching. The nights were hard on Cara and myself being constantly woken up and poked after which she would want to go for a walk around the Peds floor before getting back into bed. So before he left my husband was telling Cara not to do something, she asked him why and I started to explain to her. She turned around and said “I HATE YOU MOM” she looked back at my husband and said “I LOVE YOU DAD”. I just sat in shock, my husband started to tell Cara that was not nice to say and I ran for the bathroom crying. I knew that she really did not hate me but she was so frustrated and mad with everything that was going on all around her. That night I was thinking about what she had said to me and I started to feel mad at my husband, I was the one that brought her to the E.R. and waited 4 hours with her, I was the one holding her legs when they tried for the 4th time to get a line in her arms, I was the one there in the night when she was being woken up and poked, I was the one there any time any thing bad was happening to her. I knew that it was not his fault, I was the one there because he was with our 5 other children and he was trying to keep the house functioning when I was not there. Other then that one time I have always had a positive outlook on Cara’s diagnosis I know that we are going to go through hard times and I know that it will be a long road for us as well as Cara but like I say I will take a diagnoses of diabetes because it could be so much worse. I’m so thankful that we have a wonderful team that we are working with at the diabetic clinic and that we have people in our lives that offer their support.